That would drastically downplay the autonomy we have

In the context of an abusive relationship, withholding healthy praise and interest is used to strategically torment the victim and make the victim feel “needy,” “obsessed,” and “desperate as they attempt to understand what has changed. Narcissists may even accuse you of fishing for compliments or attention when you question their strange behavior. In fact, these are exactly the words they will use to depict you as crazy and irrational for having the normal human desire to connect.

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